more: @
or subscribe by email below:

Follow by Email



1. Glow in the dark tattoos of all the acupuncture points for acupuncture teachers to better teach.

2. A contest to see who can create the best new language.

3. Mini ant farm earrings.

4. Clear doored fridges

6. Plastic surgery plugs to charge your phone off your bodies energy.



1. Pop cans that look like mini Totem Poles.
2. Fold out bread slices
3. Spiky plate to make it difficult to eat from.
4. Arm pit Deodorant Stickers
5. Tea coated cup interior


Hungry Wolf Grrrrrrr.

1. Couzcouz mash waffles.

2. Action figure casts to make action figures out of used candles.

3. Lubricated pencils to make it harder to write with.

4. Poop strainer to get out lost keys and such (ewwww)

5. Tattoo eyes on the top of your butt.


Wood fight

1. Surgically implanted cameras to forehead.
2. Wood socks.
3. Hats made from cork board to pin messages on.
4. A liquid you can buy to melt your trash in to small disks.
5. Tattoos on fruit for practice?


And all it's glory!!! :)

1. Injections to make your veins glow different glorious colors.

2. Double decker plates for when your SUPER HUNGRY.

3. Stinky laundry soap to make ur clothes all stanky.

4. MN Born and Bread - Bread Company

5. Sticky pieces for your eye lids to keep your eyes open when your tired.


Soon O' clock

1. Glow in the dark thread for sewing

2. Blue Cheetos (registered trade mark blue cheese cheetos)

3. Electric heated PJS

4. Gold coated apples fro billionaires.

5. Live goldfish bracelet.


Please Send Me More Soul

1. Candy Crush Soda caps that you crush to add flavor (like camel crush cigarettes)

2. Dirt flavored soda.

3. Pencils that are also Flutes

4. Oat Paste in packages like Go-Gurt.

5. Mini bobbling hula girls to mount on your bike handle bars.


Please Please Please Please

1. Fire wood spray that makes you're wood burn in different colors.

2. Glow in the dark car bumpers.

3. Hover balloons that only go up like 10 ft.

4. Gloves that make your hands look like real feet.

5. Little circular stickers that heat up each one of your toes or fingers.


Bike Breaks

1. Bike breaks that screech @ different tones so you can play music with them.

2.  Four year whistling school

3. Zip line transportation from the top of telephone poles.

4. Green colored car wheels.

5. Glow in the dark sleds for night time sledding.


Love Bullets

1. Love Bullets made form dead peoples wedding rings.

2. Sand Paper Coated Pens. For Traction.

3. A service that sends your dead body in to space.

4. Crotch cooker bags to warm your food with out getting it all gross.

5. Indoor apple tree kits. ( like christmas trees )


Free Candy FOR ALL!!!

1. Costumes/ outfits for deer (for hunters who shoot deer with tranquilizer darts then dress them up to wake up a more pretty deer) 

2. Fill boat hulls with cream to make butter while sailing.

3. Body mutilation to make your butt hole look like a rose.

4. Glow in the dark cake icing.

5. Attach a hot air balloon to the top of your car for extra seating.


FUCK IT im gonna quit

1. Suddle calm 3D wave bathroom tiling so it goes up and down as you walk.
2. Hollow Stash spot drawer handles.
3. A grease company called Elbow Grease.
4. Translucent kitchen cupboards (translucent to the out side so it gets sun inside for growing)
5. upside down BED S with straps.



1. Bike Slippers for when you're bikes all snowy and you bring it over to someone else's house.

2. Bike Me (bike delivery service )

3. Re useable condom .... (ewwww. )

4. Napkins that reveal messages when you use them.

5. Water filled Key Boards.



1. Dual horn system, nice + more aggressive car horns for more polite honks.

2. Electric bikes with stereos, horns and head lights.

3. Candy coated mouth guards for hockey players.

4. Personal cavity detector.

5. Custom PEZ dispensers of your face.


I can see clearly now.... but the rain is not gone.

1. A computer key board that plays music like a piano, but instead of needing to learn music, just learn how to spell to the tune of your favorite songs! :)

2. Trampoline generator so your kids can give you back some energy.

4. Tye dye color shoes.

4. Hollow ropes to drink water from while climbing.

5. Porn screen printed on the inside of your shirt so you can look inside to get inspiration. (when needed)


Naughty boy!

1. Cheese flavored waffles. 

2. Donut mobiles for grown ups who like eating in bed. 

3. Love triangle. A shirt company logo with a triangle with 3 hearts. 

4. Lunch on the moon. A service that drives you to the moon for a fancy dinner. 

5. Naked party's where everyone is naked. 


The Gooses

1. Mini Christmas tree hats. 

2. Bowling pin shaped loafs of bread and balls of cheese. 

3. Digital playing cards (that change secretly for cheaters) 

4. Shirt, pants & hat with accurate measuring tape printed on it so you know how tall you are. 

5. Christmas tree ponds with floating platforms under to place presents on. 


Meet Joe Black 2 coming soon!

1. stop eagerly pleasing people just so they think well of you.      

 2. analyze your neurosis and start dealing with it. 

 3. stop being angry and acknowledge your pain instead of projecting it on others.  

4.  dont play dumb. 

 5.  stop lying to yourself, and others.



1. Toaster/ computer for morning nummies.

2. Candy with real live dead bugs inside.

3. Gold babies, like gold fish but shaped like lil' babies.

4. A movie about me using real footage but with a fictitious plot.

5. Translucent bike frame that you can drop neon lights in so they light up for better seeing.


10/10 - Mission from above

1. A hat that looks like a head bandage.
2. Clothing with strings on arms and legs so you can be gods puppet.
3. Computer monitors that are translucent glass when off.
4. Free perfume dispensers @ bus stops.
5. A website that steals, categorizes and sells all of my ideas to people who need them. (and only value them when they cost money)


Don - Dat - Do - Op

1. Kim chiizits. (Kim chi flavored cheez-its) 

2. Drum Throne (instead of drum stool) 

3. Pills that taste like brownies when you burp after they are ingested. 

4. An academic test that you take while biking to make it harder to get a good score. (For all the people who already aced the ACT/ SAT. ) 

5. Decorate a Christmas tree in your front yard - put gifts under it for everyone who walks by.


Goat meet

1. Kim chi ice cream

2. Pickled ginger ice cream 

3. Bike ice cream delivery. 7pm- 1am

4. Helium filled apples. 

5. Goat meat birthday cake. 


Show was my first word

1. Laser pointer shoes.

2. Translucent shoes. 

3. Be taller or shorter extendable shoe soles. 

4. Weed stash spot shoes.

5. Air conditioned shoes.


Is this a joke?

1. Aerosol spray on shoes for barefoot shoes.

2. Tea wrappers that dissolve in hot water for quick tea time.

3. A piano with keys made from bones of your favorite pet.

4. A clothing company that designs clothes that purposefully look really really gross.

5. Surgical implanted LED lights in your finger tips.



1. Steal drum coffee mugs. Play with chop sticks when cup is upside down.

2. Christmas ornament graffiti around the city on trees.

3. A real wrestling match between the republican candidates and democratic candidates.

4. Porn magazine pop up books. 3D

5. Adhesive puzzle piece wall paper.



.....1. Animal races where little action figures ride different types nof animals in races. 

2. Cups that have neon lights in the bottom to illuminate the  liquid. 

3. Gay stuff. 

4. Noodle strainers that make fun noises when you pour water through. 

5. Earrings that are attached to your hat.


Dragon bath time

U1. Translucent page book. Dang this is hard to read ! 

2. Twirler giant jump rope. 

3. Back yard pool ponds that continually funnel downwards like a black hole. 

4. Mountain bike paths up and down the banks of the missippi. 

5. Dolls full of fake blood so they splatter when they get hurt. :( 



1. Put a washing machine in place of the TV in your living room.

2.  Bagels designed to float in the water so you can eat them in the bath tub.

3. Build a building that is secretly a weapon in someone else's country.

4. Thought tea, drink someone else thoughts in liquid form.

5. Mood hats that change color with your mood.


I think about you nearly every morning if not the moment my eyes open, then shortly after.  if it hurts to hear, then it also hurts to say, but the truth is, never wrong.

You are my most important thought, my most important vine and I water you without conscious effort or knowing. I feel these words might encourage you to be drowned but that never was my intention. 

 It seems like all I can do to bring us closer is sleep because for that split second every morning I feel like you're still with me. 


Questions about Sake

Two friends were walking down a street in Downtown Minneapolis. The street on which they walked upon was called Nicolette.

At the intersection where That Crazy Guy stands on top of the buckets and yells the word of god at people they stopped to listen... only for a moment they thought.

As they stood, a large crowd started to gather.  It became harder and harder for them to move on their own accord. They were now stuck inside an amoeba! Slightly frighted their lil' hearts started to race and their minds began to quicken. They were now being pushed from side to side and back and forth and had no control over which way would go next.  It was as if they had no control, and all the while The Man speaking the word of god over them kept yelling 'DIE' 'DIE' DIE' DIE' !!!!

Slightly panicked and a now a bit sweaty it was time to make a move or forever be apart of This Mans impromptu church session on the street. Crouching down low, with their eyes level to he bottoms of peoples jackets they slowly made their way out of the crowd and across the street to the other side.

Now they could finally see the group that they had been a part of, continuing to sway in rhythm with the crazy mans screams they decided to turn away and continue down towards the river.

When we got to the there, the first friend handed an unopened bottle of Sake from where it had been waiting in his back pack.

Wrapping his hand around the cap his friend attempted to open it but to no avail, his body was still shaking as if he were cold.

'Whats wrong?'

'It's what that man was saying... he said we were gonna die....'

Taking the sake back out of his friends  hand and cracking the cap open he looked back at his friends eyes.

You gotta put all that shit down if you wanna open the bottle.... no one can open something when they are still holding something else.

Then they got drunk looking over the train tracks and the cool graffiti under on the metal party of the train bridge.

Printable version